Tag: grief

For years I often heard people say that you have to go through grief and pain, you can’t go around it, you can’t go above it, you have to go through it. For years I didn’t understand what that meant. We live in an incredibly emotionally avoidant culture which then leads to chronic mental emotional health struggles, high addiction and disconnection from self and others among other symptoms. 

In order to move through grief or pain a person must create a safe space for emotions to build. Like a wave on a beach, emotions need to be able to build and crash safely on the shore before they can recede out and become calm again. Instead of allowing the natural flow, we often dam up the water as high as we can to keep it from crashing, but then when it inevitably breaks the dam, and the lifetime of suppressed emotions can come cascading and flooding ...

“It’s fine.”  “Everything is fine.”  “I’m fine.”  Have you ever strung together these three sentences and thought to yourself, “shoot, I think I might not be fine”. 

About a year ago I was in a car accident that resulted in emergency surgery, a stay in the trauma center at the hospital, and a long recovery (in addition to other challenges). It was the most challenging and scary time in my life. I didn’t think that I was going to make it, and yet I would find myself telling my loved ones who came to visit me, “It’s fine.”  “Everything is fine.”  “I’m fine.” 

Why is it so hard to admit that sometimes we are not fine? It has taken me a while to figure out why I was so desperately pushing myself to be fine. Though I wanted those words to be true, what I wanted more than anything was for my loved ones to think and feel that those words were true.

Whet ...

There have been some dry spells this summer, and my withering and parched lawn was certainly showing the effects of it. My first inclination was to swing into rescue mode and haul the hose out for daily watering, believing that I was doing the best for it, and keeping it ultra-hydrated and from as much distress as possible. A little research on lawn care showed me that this well-intentioned, extra care and attention routine could actually be hurting my lawn and creating shallow root systems and an inability to withstand the rigors of future heat and drought.

It is natural to want to escape suffering as soon as possible and not live in discomfort. We usually want the quick and easy way out. As a parent, I have found it difficult at times to watch my children struggle with various challenges that they have faced. The temptation is to step in and take over or rescue them from the difficulty rather than have them suffer. Yet, I know that ...