Rest and Relaxation (the difference, and why we need them!)

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Springtime always seems to bring with it an energy and a busyness that comes out of nowhere, at least for me! Out of the darkness and chill of winter, life bursts forth, and suddenly I’ve got a million items on my to-do list and a full calendar. Our culture certainly supports this mindset of productivity, and I feel programmed to rate the success of my day based on how many things I’ve accomplished. And yet, in both the counseling office and my personal life, I continue to be challenged to re-examine my ideas about doing and being, about productivity, relaxation, and rest.

As I often discuss with clients (and have shared about here in a previous post as well), taking intentional care of ourselves is so important to our health and well-being. Sometimes self-care looks like meeting a goal or getting something done, but sometimes it looks like taking a day off or doing something we enjoy. Human beings were not made to operate at full speed 24/7 ...

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Posted in:

  • Rest
  • Self-Care

Tags:

  • mindfullness
  • present
  • relaxation
  • self-care
  • stillness
  • stress
  • unplug

Why Wash Dishes?

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This is a frequent conversation I have with my adolescent clients.

Phil: Mom tells me that you refuse to wash dishes.  Is that right?

Steve:  Yah

Phil:  Why don’t you like to wash dishes?

Steve:  Not fun

Phil:   Really . . . I washed dishes this morning . . . I’ve always hated washing dishes. . . 

Steve: why did you wash them then?

Phil: Well, first of all I don’t wash dishes because it’s fun.  Not! But there’s lots of things we need to do that are not fun. There’s two reasons why I wash dishes.

Steve:  What are they?

Phil:  We eat on dishes.  Dishes need to be washed before they’re used again.  Same goes for your clothes. Before you wear these clothes again they need to be washed.

Steve:  Okay . . .

Phil:   It’s not a matter if washing dishes is fun.  For me, it’s ...

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Posted in:

  • Adolescence

Tags:

  • selflessness
  • service
  • team

Communicating Assertively

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When I interact with couples and assess the way that communication happens in their relationship, people will typically be able to identify the problem areas of communication that are aggressive: yelling, verbal tirades, manipulation and control. However, I often find that these instances of aggressive behavior are built upon the foundation of passivity. While these intermittent outbursts can seem to come out of nowhere, they have usually been seething beneath the surface for some time, maybe a long time.

 I’ll give an example:

 

Let’s pretend you agree to meet a friend at a coffee shop and you have a limited window of time that you can be there. You show up on time, get your coffee and sit down. And you wait… 

5 minutes later you text your friend, “I’m here, where you at?”

10 minutes in you give your friend a call.

15 minutes in your friend may come walking in, but rathe ...

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Posted in:

  • Assertiveness
  • Relationships

Tags:

  • Communication

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