The Power of Saying Nothing
We’ve all been there — sitting across from someone in pain, searching for the right words to help in whatever way we can. We want to provide comfort, reassurance, or problem-solve because we care.
But sometimes, the most healing thing we can offer isn’t advice, explanations, or solutions — it’s our quiet presence.
The power of saying nothing lies in the ability to hold space — to be with someone in their emotions without trying to change or fix anything.
If we’re being honest, sometimes the urge to fix often comes from our own discomfort. Silence can feel awkward, especially when we don’t know what to say. “Fixing” helps us feel useful, like we have some control. But even when our hearts are in the right place, jumping in with solutions can unintentionally communicate that the other person’s feelings are less important than our comfort — that their emotions are too much, or that they need to be repaired.
As I write this, I imagine some people are thinking that I’m suggesting that we do nothing at all in these situations. But let’s think about it this way:
Silence is presence, not absence. By resisting the urge to fill the space, we empower the person in front of us to use their voice, explore their emotions, and say what they truly need to say.
So how do we show that we’re listening without words? Make gentle eye contact. Nod in understanding. Keep an open posture — don’t lean back with crossed arms like you would if you were frustrated — and face your body toward them. You don’t always have to remain completely silent, but use your words intentionally to communicate understanding and care. Simple phrases like, “That sounds really hard,” “I’m grateful you’re sharing this with me,” or “I see you,” can speak volumes.
In our culture, silence can feel uncomfortable because we’re conditioned to fill space. When was the last time you allowed yourself to sit in absolute quiet, even for just five minutes? Maybe the best way to practice sitting in silence with others is to start by doing it with yourself.
The next time someone you care about is in pain, resist the urge to fill the space with advice. Try saying nothing — and notice how much can be said in the quiet.