Tag: Communication

Let me start by asking a question.  How did you answer someone the last time they asked you how you were?  I bet I could venture a guess, and it may have sounded a little like this: “I’m fine."  Now, let me follow that question with another question.  How truthful were you in your response?  I am betting that most likely you may have disregarded your current emotion so you would not make someone else feel uncomfortable.  

 

In a society that has placed a strong emphasis on success, happiness, and reputation, it is often hard to feel safe to share our emotions honestly.  The point of this post is not to make you feel like you have to share your feelings with every person that asks; however, what I do hope it accomplishes is helping you to reflect on the truth that it is okay to not be okay!  

 

Unfortunate ...

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When I interact with couples and assess the way that communication happens in their relationship, people will typically be able to identify the problem areas of communication that are aggressive: yelling, verbal tirades, manipulation and control. However, I often find that these instances of aggressive behavior are built upon the foundation of passivity. While these intermittent outbursts can seem to come out of nowhere, they have usually been seething beneath the surface for some time, maybe a long time.

 I’ll give an example:

 

Let’s pretend you agree to meet a friend at a coffee shop and you have a limited window of time that you can be there. You show up on time, get your coffee and sit down. And you wait… 

5 minutes later you text your friend, “I’m here, where you at?”

10 minutes in you give your friend a call.

15 minutes in your friend may come walking in, but rathe ...

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“I didn’t mean to hit them! I just got really mad all of the sudden.”

“I can’t concentrate on anything right now!”

“I wasn’t trying to distract the class, I was just feeling kind of hyper.”

“I planned to go home to finish that project...next thing I knew, I had finished 4 episodes and a pint and half of Ben & Jerry’s.”

“I know I have to get my work done, but I don’t really feel like it.”

“I didn’t really want to snap at you like that...I guess I was just hangry.”

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My guess is that you’ve heard one if not all of the above statements at some point. Whether you’re a student, a parent, a teacher or an employee, chances are high that in the past week you or someone you care about has felt unmotivated, unable to focus, out of control of impulses and/or emotions. If you’re a kid, or if you’ve ever been a kid (that should pretty much cover everyone, I think) then you know the feeling ...

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