A Vow to Myself

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There are many different trainings or theories that I have walked through in my personal and academic life. Each one has offered a unique skillset to help myself and others navigate stormy seas. One of the most recent approaches has stuck in my mind more than others in the past. It is an approach created by Dan Allender and taught to me from an LPC named Matt Kenney under the name of  “Story Retelling.”  The premise is fairly simple: each person at one point in their development incurred a wound. This wound spoke a message of shame to the child. The child then created a vow to be a certain person or live a certain way so as to never feel that shame again. As a result, a false self is created through which the child learns to interact with the world. This false self is the point of discontentment and battle within the adult.

 

It begins with a wound. The fallen nature of the world ensures that each person will be hur ...

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Posted in:

  • False self

Tags:

  • story
  • trust

Internal Versus External Processing

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How do you process information? Do you need to think it over, or do you need to talk about it? People fall into one of two categories for processing information: the internal processor or the external processor. Here is another way to look at it. The external processor will talk to think while the internal processor will think to talk. One of these ways of processing information and navigating life’s challenges is not better than the other They both have strengths and weaknesses, and this is most often seen in the context of relationships when people process information differently. When people understand the way their spouse, friend, significant other, or coworker process information, it aids in promoting effective communication. However, when there is a disconnect in understanding the way others around you process information, it can lead to conflict, frustration, and anger. 

 

External processors are strong in being a ...

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Posted in:

  • Processing

Tags:

  • conflict
  • patience
  • talk
  • think

Self-Compassion Over Shame

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I have been learning a lot about shame recently. I think if asked, we can all describe it. It’s when we believe not only that we did something wrong, but we believe we ARE wrong. These days, we can feel it anywhere. We post something on Instagram and someone critiques or condemns us for posting it.  We say something in a group of friends and people laugh or make fun of us for saying it. We stand up to our family on something we feel is wrong or have differing beliefs about, and they shoot us down. Even if we have a health crisis or feel like our body fails us, that can also be shame. Like I said, we can feel it anywhere, anytime, and from anyone.

 

There are two things that I feel combat shame or at least help us identify it and help us learn to distance ourselves from it, the first being self-compassion. This is quite different the self-esteem. Self-esteem “refers to our sense of self-worth, perceived value, or how ...

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Posted in:

  • Shame

Tags:

  • self-compassion
  • self-esteem

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