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Why Wash Dishes?

April 16, 2021
1 Comment

This is a frequent conversation I have with my adolescent clients.

Phil: Mom tells me that you refuse to wash dishes. Is that right?

Steve: Yah

Phil: Why don’t you like to wash dishes?

Steve: Not fun

Phil: Really . . . I washed dishes this morning . . . I’ve always hated washing dishes. . .

Steve: why did you wash them then?

Phil: Well, first of all I don’t wash dishes because it’s fun. Not! But there’s lots of things we need to do that are not fun. There’s two reasons why I wash dishes.

Steve: What are they?

Phil: We eat on dishes. Dishes need to be washed before they’re used again. Same goes for your clothes. Before you wear these clothes again they need to be washed.

Steve: Okay . . .

Phil: It’s not a matter if washing dishes is fun. For me, it’ ...

Posted in:

Adolescence

Tags:

selflessness
service
team

When I interact with couples and assess the way that communication happens in their relationship, people will typically be able to identify the problem areas of communication that are aggressive: yelling, verbal tirades, manipulation and control. However, I often find that these instances of aggressive behavior are built upon the foundation of passivity. While these intermittent outbursts can seem to come out of nowhere, they have usually been seething beneath the surface for some time, maybe a long time.

I’ll give an example:

Let’s pretend you agree to meet a friend at a coffee shop and you have a limited window of time that you can be there. You show up on time, get your coffee and sit down. And you wait…

5 minutes later you text your friend, “I’m here, where you at?”

10 minutes in you give your friend a call.

15 minutes in your friend may come walking in, but rathe ...

Posted in:

Assertiveness
Relationships

Tags:

Communication

Surrendering Control

March 28, 2021
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Over 10 years ago, I taped a prayer onto my kitchen cupboard where I would see it often. It was an extremely challenging time in my personal and family life. I felt anxious, stressed, burdened and grieved. I needed the daily (sometimes hourly) reminder that not everything was mine to worry about or control.

Perhaps you have heard of the Serenity Prayer. It is a prayer whose origins go far back into history. The first part of the prayer is used in many recovery groups. One version of the prayer was written by Reinhold Niebuhr.

“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things - I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; That I may b ...

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Posted in:

Anxiety

Control

Prayer

Stress

Tags:

Control

anxiety

focus

serenity