Category: Counseling Process

At somewhere around the age of 15, one weekend day I found myself in the house alone with my dad. As the roles in our house were very traditional, I was intrigued when I heard the unexpected sound of a broom. Finding this a bit unbelievable, I peeked around the corner, being certain to stay out of sight, and observed my dad sweeping up a mess he had made on the floor. Even more unbelievable was his next step; he paused, looked around the kitchen and, not seeing a dustpan, swept his mess toward the entrance door. He lifted the corner of the rug and carefully swept it all under there. His final step was quick and quiet as he placed the corner of the rug back just where it had been. It looked perfect, except for the subtle lumps only noticeable to one who knew the truth. He went to his grave never knowing he was seen and would not be pleased that I share it freely.

I often tell this story when introducing hesitant clients to the counseling proc ...

There’s a difference between feeling comfortable and feeling safe. Safety is knowing that you are not going to be harmed physically or emotionally, and that is something that should always be expected and honored. Since becoming a therapist, I have found that the word comfortable, however, does not always describe therapy. Therapy can sometimes bring up changes that adjust the status quo, and that is not always easy or comfortable.

There isn’t anything wrong with the status quo on its own. It’s comforting knowing what to expect. The problem comes when the status quo enables unhealthy habits. Let’s take a simple example. Maybe there is a candy bowl at the front desk of your workplace or somewhere you visit often. As almost anyone would, you take a piece. You strike up a conversation with the front desk person, and it becomes a routine for the two of you. The front desk worker keeps the bowl filled, you take one, and enjoy a conversation f ...