Category: comfortable

We all grow up in a family system. What we might not always realize is that each of us assume a role in that system to make it “work.” This can be based on birth order, needs to manage specific relationships in the family or simply occur without much thought or attention. However, the role we assume in the family often leads to issues as we navigate life outside the system.

For example, let’s say that you have taken on a responsibility role in the family. You are often the one the family expects to fix whatever problems arise. Maybe it was as small as helping your siblings with their homework or as large as helping a family member manage an addiction. Either way, the message was that it was up to you to take care of the family. As you fill that role, it becomes ingrained within you. Without realizing it becomes one of your core drives. As you grow older and step out into the world, you do so with this drive firmly entrenched and ...

I was talking with my daughter recently and she shared with me that she is teaching my granddaughter about setting and respecting physical space limits.  My daughter didn’t use those specific words, but it is essentially what she was referring to.  It reminded me of the importance of setting clear boundaries with others and the important responsibility of keeping and respecting boundaries of others and of ourselves.  It is good to recognize that we all have limitations and recognizing that and putting healthy boundaries up helps us to thrive.

My granddaughter is learning about a physical boundary, but there are other areas we may want to consider when thinking of boundaries.  Areas that I have learned to value and protect with boundaries include financial, time, energy, and emotional boundaries.  These can change as our circumstances change, but it is good to know what boundary I need or want to be in place for the c ...

There’s a difference between feeling comfortable and feeling safe. Safety is knowing that you are not going to be harmed physically or emotionally, and that is something that should always be expected and honored. Since becoming a therapist, I have found that the word comfortable, however, does not always describe therapy. Therapy can sometimes bring up changes that adjust the status quo, and that is not always easy or comfortable.

There isn’t anything wrong with the status quo on its own. It’s comforting knowing what to expect. The problem comes when the status quo enables unhealthy habits. Let’s take a simple example. Maybe there is a candy bowl at the front desk of your workplace or somewhere you visit often. As almost anyone would, you take a piece. You strike up a conversation with the front desk person, and it becomes a routine for the two of you. The front desk worker keeps the bowl filled, you take one, and enjoy a conversation f ...