Comfortability and Safety

There’s a difference between feeling comfortable and feeling safe. Safety is knowing that you are not going to be harmed physically or emotionally, and that is something that should always be expected and honored. Since becoming a therapist, I have found that the word comfortable, however, does not always describe therapy. Therapy can sometimes bring up changes that adjust the status quo, and that is not always easy or comfortable.

There isn’t anything wrong with the status quo on its own. It’s comforting knowing what to expect. The problem comes when the status quo enables unhealthy habits. Let’s take a simple example. Maybe there is a candy bowl at the front desk of your workplace or somewhere you visit often. As almost anyone would, you take a piece. You strike up a conversation with the front desk person, and it becomes a routine for the two of you. The front desk worker keeps the bowl filled, you take one, and enjoy a conversation for a little while. What happens when January comes, and you decide you want to cut out sugar? The routine feels uncomfortable now. The front desk worker may point out your favorite candy, forcing you to audibly say, “no thank you.” Is it bad for you to decline the candy? Absolutely not! But the routine you once had is now different, and the reason you started going to the front desk is gone now. Do you still visit, or do you simply carry on with your day? It feels different, and maybe a little uncomfortable. You find a new routine, which may or may not include having a conversation with the front desk worker, and things don’t feel quite the same.

Now let’s take a more complicated example. You’re looking for a therapist hoping for one hour of uninterrupted peace and validation. Your counselor begins asking questions about what your status quo is, how different situations are handled, and suggesting what you might do differently to relieve your symptoms. This sounds like what you wanted, but now it feels uncomfortable. The word comfortable doesn’t quite fit, because the changes that are being brought up will be new and feel a little weird. You can tell the counselor cares, and your emotional safety is being cared for.

Perhaps the status quo is worth changing from time to time, but that does not make it easy or comfortable. Safety is a necessary aspect of therapy, both physically and emotionally, and should never be compromised. However, there is something to be said for feeling a little uncomfortable at times if living a healthier life is in the wake of it. A new status quo can be created with a healthier you, and after some time, it will become more comfortable too.