The Importance of Counseling and the Therapeutic Bond
People have various expectations for counseling. Sometimes they expect that after a couple of sessions their problems will be solved. Other times, they refuse to start counseling because they have been told to “suck it up” and “deal with it” when thinking about their struggles in life.
Even though counseling has been more widely accepted, we often still imagine it as it is on TV. You come in, lay down on a couch, and start talking about your problems. Meanwhile, the therapist sits there with clipboard in hand, nodding their head, and asking "how do you feel about that”? I often think of that scene from Freaky Friday where Anna has switched places with her mother, who is a shrink, and when she goes to mom’s work in her place, Anna is only supposed to ask, “And how does that make you feel?”. Now, don’t get me wrong, therapists DO ask that question…but that is not all we ask.
There are several different, important stages to counseling. However, one of the most influential stages is building rapport and the therapeutic relationship. This means that when you first come in for counseling, the goal is to get to know each other. In fact, 80% of the change through counseling comes from the therapeutic relationship. It’s THAT important. If you don’t click with your therapist or develop a strong relationship, then it’s not the right therapist. This can often be the most difficult because if you don’t have a strong bond, then change will be less likely to happen. There’s also no set amount of time that this should take. It can take one or two sessions or twenty. It just depends on the person.
Sometimes attending counseling can cause stress or anxiety when discussing various struggles. This is NORMAL. Rehashing upsetting stressors in your life can cause additional stress, but this is temporary. If you hang in there, it will subside and you will learn helpful skills for coping with these feelings.
Counseling is meant to be helpful and improve your quality of life. You and your therapist are a team. If you find yourself struggling to give it a chance but feel you would benefit from it, give it a try and be patient with the process. And any issues you have with it, talk to your therapist. This is YOUR counseling experience. You influence how you want it to go as it is for your benefit. We are here to help along the way.
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