Taming the Thought Spiral: A Pathway for Quieting Your Mind

Taming the Thought Spiral: A Pathway for Quieting Your Mind

As a counselor, one of the most common complaints I hear is the challenge of thought spiraling. We experience something hard, we feel big feelings, and our mind tries to fix them or escape from them. Our minds go round and round thinking about the things we should’ve done or said, what the other person did or said, what could happen or what has happened, or how we need to fix it all. We replay the scenario over and over again in hopes that we will somehow right the wrong, make sense of the mess, or prevent ourselves from it all happening again. 

Often this spiral makes us feel worse, robs us of necessary sleep, and only serves to increase all the big feelings. The pathway out of spiraling thoughts is to tune into our underlying emotions and spend a moment nurturing ourselves. 

1. Attune to what’s happening within us: 

“I know I’m triggered because of the following emotional and physical signs…”

• skeptical

• defensive

• overwhelmed

• controlling

• anxious

• fearful

• urgent

• panicky

• moody

• closed off 

• despairing

• heavy

• shameful

• scared

• numb

• insecure

• angry

• cold

• muscle tension

• lump in throat

• poor digestion

• headache

• numbness

• chest pain

• fatigue

• racing heart

• rapid breathing

• immobility

• poor sleep

• tearful

2. Validate the emotional and physical experience we are having: 

“This response makes sense because these thoughts/feelings/memories were triggered…”

• I felt excluded. 

• I felt powerless. 

• I felt unheard. 

• I felt scolded.

• I felt judged. 

• I felt blamed. 

• I felt disrespected. 

• I felt lonely.

• I felt ignored. 

• I felt forgotten. 

• I felt unsafe. 

• I felt unloved.

• I felt trapped. 

• I felt uncared for. 

• I felt manipulated. 

• I felt controlled.

• I’ve felt this pain before. I’ve seen that look/heard that tone/felt this way...

• My body remembers. This sound/sight/smell/touch reminds my body of...

• My system stored information about this season/similar experience/familiar place...

3. Comfort ourselves in the pain as we would comfort a child or a loved one. Try one of these statements: 

• Heart, you don’t have to get this perfect to be loved. 

• Heart, you’re not too much, you’re not crazy, I believe you. 

• That’s okay you’re reacting this way. I don’t judge you. I trust you. 

• What you’re going through right now matters. 

• I see you, I see your pain. The desires you have make sense.

• Hey heart, I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now. This is hard. I’m here for you. 

• Heart, you matter to me. What is one thing you need from me right now?

4. Care for yourself by resting, moving, or playing. Some ideas include: 

• laughing

• dancing

• walking

• hiking

• stretching

• moving my body

• reading

• journaling 

• singing/humming

• petting an animal

• taking a bath

• taking a nap

• listening to music

• calling/texting a friend

• curling up in a blanket

• visiting a coffee shop

• cooking or baking

• having a snack

• drinking some water

• exploring nature

Our minds are a powerful part of our body and serve us well in many situations. When it comes to calming big feelings, we first need to focus on our feelings. As we become more aware of and comfortable with our emotional experience, they become less scary and overwhelming. This process takes practice. If you are having a difficult time with any step of this process, a professional counselor can support you in navigating this pathway toward mental and emotional clarity and peace.