I was recently listening to the podcast "Unlocking Us" by Brene Brown, a favorite of mine, on Spotify.  The podcast was diving into a series addressing the Brene’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, and includes a conversation between Brene and her two sisters, Ashley and Barrett. I first read the book about 7 years ago, and it has had a powerful impact on my journey.  In episode 4 of the series, a phrase jumped out to me: “Do your work” in reference to living wholeheartedly. Brown says wholeheartedness “is like a North Star. You never get there, but you know when you’re heading in the right way.” 

I am not going to get into the wonderful life changes that Brene addresses in her book, but I would definitely recommend it if the idea of “wholehearted” living intrigues you.  What I wonder is what keeps you from “doing your work?” At times, we have an idea that something needs to change, but sometimes we don’t take the time to investigate what change needs to take place. At other times, the change seems too big to tackle.  Some great indicators that change needs to happen are elevation in anxieties and fears.   These feelings are letting our bodies know that something is not OK, and in many cases, we have to make a change.  What keeps us from doing the work we need to in order to live our best lives? Following are the five stages of change developed by DeClemente and Prochaska in the late 1970s.  

The five stages of change, simplified:

Stage 1:  Pre-contemplative (denial) – others might see a problem, but in your view, you are fine. 

Stage 2: Contemplative- You might see that there is a problem, but are pretty ambivalent about how to name the problem or what to do about it. 

Stage 3: Preparation- You have identified the problem and are making a plan for change.

Stage 4: Action- You are implementing your plan for change and evaluating its effectiveness. 

Stage 5: Maintenance- You are actively maintaining the behavior change.  

If you are ready to make a change in your life and want to put a plan in place, then you are on a journey of change, and you are in stage 2 or 3.  That is a great start. When you are aware of the change you want to make, identify the reasonable steps you will need to make so this change doable. For some of us, that means making small steps toward a larger goal. Also, some changes are easiest with someone’s help, and depending on what changes you want to make it may be helpful to have a support team.  Then, put your plan in action.   The final stage is maintenance.  For many changes we make, we will need to continue to evaluate the fifth stage.  

We can sometimes notice when we are doing the work because you are living in a way that is consistent with your values, thriving and not just surviving. If you are contemplating making some life changes and want to “do your work” then good for you, and enjoy the journey. 

Denise Boldt | MA, LLPC