Relationships can be difficult, especially if we invest a lot of our time and effort into them. When we do this, we create a vested interest and we want to see a return.  We were built for relationships (Genesis 2:18). God formed us in a way that we can have a singular relationship with a person or in a community where we can find support.  When it comes to relationships we are triadic beings: emotional, physical and spiritual.  While all three of these entities are not equally divided up, they do vary in percentages, as we need them to be at any particular moment in time. 

The first part of this triadic relationship pattern is our emotions. This seems to take a greater toll on us than we care to admit.   We will talk 24/7 if you let us but trying to get us to express our emotions in a careful and understanding way has us at a great disadvantage.  Men are at a greater disadvantage as we are usually told “men aren’t supposed to be emotional it is a sign of weakness”.  This carries over into a relationship that we so desperately need, a marriage.  Being able for anyone to express themselves emotionally is very important for any relationship to grow.

The second part is the physical.  I am not just talking about the intimate piece even though that is important as well.  What goes along with this is everything that helps us to stay healthy: eating well, exercise, bathing, brushing our teeth, getting outside and enjoying the Michigan weather (as unpredictable as it is).  These things might sound simplistic but sometimes we take them for granted and they will affect our relationships somewhere down the road.  We have to be able to do some self-care to be in a good spot for others.  As for the intimate piece of a physical relationship this should be done with love, care and ideally in the context of marriage. 

The third triadic piece is the spiritual.  While we could spend the rest of the year on what spirituality means, for the sake of arguments we are going to define it as where we can find hope, and with whom do we place our faith and trust in.  This area doesn’t get the attention it deserves.  This should be the base of any relationship, similar to the cornerstone of a building.  This is the foundation from which we should build not only our marriage relationship but any singular or communal relationship we are a part of. Often at times we do not draw on this piece until we actually need it, and when a relationship goes south we are the first to blame broken trust or lost hope as a reason for the failed endeavor.

We love to spend time on the physical and emotional part as this gives us an immediate satisfaction that we need and most of the time we can use one of our five senses to validate what we did for these two parts. Again, while these areas can vary in importance, all three are needed to sustain a relationship no matter what stage of that relationship we are in.   At times we just need to re-evaluate the relationship and ask ourselves, what emphasis am I placing on this relationship and where am I putting it.   What triadic piece needs strengthening for this relationship to grow?

Mark Holloway  MA, LLPC

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