Beauty in the Boundaries

I was talking with my daughter recently and she shared with me that she is teaching my granddaughter about setting and respecting physical space limits.  My daughter didn’t use those specific words, but it is essentially what she was referring to.  It reminded me of the importance of setting clear boundaries with others and the important responsibility of keeping and respecting boundaries of others and of ourselves.  It is good to recognize that we all have limitations and recognizing that and putting healthy boundaries up helps us to thrive.

My granddaughter is learning about a physical boundary, but there are other areas we may want to consider when thinking of boundaries.  Areas that I have learned to value and protect with boundaries include financial, time, energy, and emotional boundaries.  These can change as our circumstances change, but it is good to know what boundary I need or want to be in place for the current time.

What are the areas that you would like to exercise the muscle of setting a boundary?  In order to set boundaries we need to first notice and name areas in our lives where a boundary is needed and it’s lack is causing some distress, keeping us from reaching our goals, or affecting our health. It may be helpful to pay attention to your emotions and moods and ask questions like “why am I feeling this way?  Is there a boundary that I need to put in place so that I am not angry, resentful, discontent, reactive, judgmental, etc.?"

It is important to acknowledge that setting and keeping boundaries may initially cause some discomfort or distress. But the hope is that by setting boundaries, they will improve the quality and sustainability of your health over a longer period of time.  Often, setting a boundary involves saying no to someone or something. Practicing saying “no” to others can be a process and it might be easier to start by saying something like, “I need some time to think about that," and/or, "I will get back with you”.  This will provide some space to access your feelings around your decision.

The people I have the hardest time setting boundaries with are my closest friends and family members.  I know that for me, I love my family, friends, children and grandchildren and it can be hard to say no to them.  I also know that setting limits with them helps me to live a more sustainable life, and that allows me to have a greater capacity to love.  I hope you have the same result.