What's Your Relationship Status?

With warm weather comes the invitation and at times, even necessitates, cooler clothing that inevitably shows more skin than would be seen in cooler weather. Out come the shorts, sandals, sleeveless shirts, dresses and swimwear. Adjusting our apparel for the weather can produce many feelings - from confidence and contentment to feelings of shame, embarrassment, contempt or even jealousy. These feelings point towards a story, embodied from our head to our toes, of what we should think, interact, feel, judge and name our bodies. This, in turn, shapes our relationship with our body. And this relationship is under constant assault, internally or externally. 

The assault on our bodies ranges from an uncomfortable or judgmental side glance we notice from someone, a comment relegating our worth as greater or lesser depending on our size, or being ignored or minimized for failing to present in a particular way. Some of us have experienced something far more systemic - hatred for the level of melanin in our skin, a disabled feature, or perhaps a gender/sexual non-conforming presentation. 

While recognizing that there is a cruel and harsh system which judges, consumes and shames our bodies - there is also a point in which we each begin to personally internalize these beliefs in a particular way. The litany continues, “if only we were smaller, bigger, darker, lighter, teeth straighter, hair fuller, skin smoother… then I might be worthy, attractive, acceptable or _______.” 

The body positivity movement is the radical acceptance of all bodies regardless of size, physical capability, skin, gender, or shape and pushes back against beauty standards and social constructs. It has gained much momentum and evolved in various waves in some ways throughout the decades ranging from the 1850’s through today. 

There is much to celebrate about this movement, to be sure. There are some amazing changes we can credit to this - greater body diversity represented in media, marketing and otherwise. And while this message does to some extent push back on the cultural narrative that we are not good enough, and claims that we are acceptable as we are, it can also create an unintended impact. This impact can be the implication that we must accept ourselves as we are and not wish to change. Or that we can’t have difficult emotions (like anger, sadness or fear) towards our bodies. Another unintended impact is the implication that our bodies are good because of what we can do. This may arise subtly, in the following ways. “If I truly loved myself, then I wouldn't try to change the blemishes on my skin or change my weight.” “I’m angry with the way my body does/doesn’t ______. I just need to accept this and get over it.” “I accept my body as good, because look at this impressive thing it has done.”

Do you notice a theme? Each one places a condition on ourselves before accepting and blessing our body. What if instead we accepted that our bodies are good. Full stop. Just good. That our bodies are named good long before they bear any other name. That goodness is not conditional on feeling or looking a different way. It simply is. 

What does this alternative message proclaim? That acceptance isn’t conditional. That it’s ok to want (or need) to change certain things about your body in pursuit of health, fun or beauty while also accepting that your inherent worth and dignity doesn’t depend on it. It’s ok to be angry or sad or afraid of how we see our bodies, or how they are seen by others, while also accepting that it doesn’t change the fact that my body always has, and always will be good. There is nothing we need or can add or subtract from our bodies in order to bless them as being good to and for us, because they are us. What ways do you want to begin to accept and bless your body?