Uncomfortable Seasons

“You don’t always have to be doing something. You can just be and that’s plenty,” Alice Walker.

Over the summer, while looking over the cheese selection at a local farmers market, a woman came around with a basket filled with little pieces of paper and offered one to me. Not one to pass on free goodies, I said yes and on my paper was the quote above. I remember smiling to myself and giving a little laugh at how relevant the message was to me at the time.

A few months before, I was placed in a difficult situation that was completely out of my control and left me feeling caught in a cycle of what I ‘personally’ described as “low grade but constant”anxiety. I was able to function normally on the outside, but internally I felt like my nervous system was stuck in a state of flight or fight for weeks on end - ruminating, losing sleep, constantly going over the situation in my mind wondering what more I could do and if anything could have happened differently.

Looking back on that season, I realized I was learning a very difficult but valuable lesson. I was learning how to be able to sit in the discomfort of uncomfortable feelings and just be. I tried all the “traditional” coping skills in the book; exercise, talking to close people about what was going on, eating, fresh air, etc. But at the end of the day, and though coping skills help and are given as tools for a reason, I had no choice but to accept the reality that I was feeling anxious and sad by what happened. No amount of phone calls to my sister or long walks were going to take that away, at least not as quickly as I would like for it to. Instead I found myself, perhaps for the first time in my life, learning to accept how I was feeling for what it is and recognize that there isn’t always an easy fix to a complex situation.

One of my favorite things I often discuss with my clients is how to accept what we feel, the good, bad and the uncomfortable. The goal isn't to completely erase or “cope” our way out of experiencing the ups and downs that life will inevitably throw our way, but instead to strengthen our own capacity to handle them.

I know every situation is unique, and this is just my personal perspective on a moment in my life, but I hope this post provides a little bit of encouragement if you are finding yourself in a similar season of life, or perhaps this is something you encountered in the past. Sometimes the most seemingly simple thing we can do in seasons of uncertainty may be the most difficult, but if you tried everything else under the sun to help your situation, maybe challenge yourself and give yourself permission to simply just be, even for just a small moment. I wonder what you will learn and notice about yourself then.

~Katie Peterson, MA, LLC