Grief and Growth

I will often see clients navigating a complex experience when processing grief and disappointment. Whether it’s a break-up or leaving a job or faith context; there can often be an existential grief taking place where we ask ourselves important questions about our experiences. If a relationship ended poorly, with conflict, betrayal, or a lack of resolution, we can begin to scrutinize the entire relationship and wonder if our happiness was ever real.

When institutions that held value for us change over time, our grief and disappointment can cause us to wonder if we have to give back the positive experiences from our past.

When we find ourselves in this place of existential evaluation, it can be hard to have an appropriate amount of self-compassion. I will often ask clients:

“What did that relationship teach you?”

“What did you learn about yourself that you want to take into the next relationship?”

“What did that place give you? What was good about it?”

This is not to positively reframe the conversation or to “glass half-full” a difficult conversation, but to allow a client to begin to see that they don’t have to give back memories and experiences.

It’s important to remember that even in the midst of honoring our feelings of disappointment, anger, hurt, sadness, grief, and all the other valid emotions we experience when we go through loss, we can also remind ourselves that we don’t have to give back the parts of our experiences that gave us good things.

When we grow out of clothing as children, we do not continue to wear them uncomfortably. But we often keep things as a memento of a time at summer camp, or a jersey from the time wewon a game. It’s ok to acknowledge that some things no longer fit, this is an important part of growth. We may also keep tucked away in our heart, those things that contributed to our good.

~Jo Anna Kelly, LLC