Attachment Theory

Relationships are complicated enough in today’s world but throw in the wrench of emotional abandonment wounds from a parent and we’ve hit the ultimate learning curve. Identifying unhealthy dynamics such as negative communication and emotional regulation skills can be frustrating but such a rewarding endeavor. When we look at these things through the lens of attachment theory, we can begin to connect the dots on how these unwanted behaviors are rooted in our early childhood experiences. Attachment theory identifies that how we form relationships with our primary caregivers (typically mom or dad), directly informs how we develop relationships as adults. Unfortunately, this rings true whether your experience is positive or negative. 

     Let’s explore a real-life example. Maybe your experience was total emotional neglect and so when you would have a tough experience during the day – say a negative interaction with a peer at school – and you go home to a house that’s filled with strife, yelling, and slammed doors, what do you learn? Although lots of subliminal messages are being sent, it’s safe to say that likely you learned your feelings aren’t worth someone else’s time. When you take that message from childhood into adulthood, it can leave you feeling anxious, insecure, and unseen by your partner with little to no communication skills to address it. Talk about a rock and a hard place! Although difficult, counseling is a great place to start when you want to identify those unhealthy/unhelpful behaviors, understand yourself better, and work to make positive changes for a better you. You’re worth the investment.