Showing Compassion to Our Inner Critic

For many of us adults, the inner critic feels like a constant companion. It shows up in moments of rest—You should be doing more—and in moments of success—Don’t get too comfortable; they’ll figure you out. This voice can be exhausting, but it often develops as a form of protection.

Over time, many of us learned that approval, safety, or belonging depended on performance. The inner critic stepped in as an internal manager, scanning for mistakes before others could. What sounds like harshness is often an attempt to prevent rejection, failure, or loss of connection.

In adulthood, this voice tends to attach itself to roles and identities: being a competent professional, a good partner, a reliable parent, or a productive person. The questions underneath the criticism are rarely about tasks. They are about worth: Am I enough? Do I belong here?

Trying to silence this voice through positive thinking or self-argument often makes it louder. A helpful way to approach this protective part of us is to change the relationship with it. Naming the critic—“The Judge” or “The Perfectionist”—can create enough distance to notice it without being overtaken by it. From there, curiosity can replace combat. Asking, What is this part trying to protect me from right now? opens space for compassion and choice. This shift allows adults to practice self-leadership instead of self-attack. The goal is not to eliminate the inner critic, but to acknowledge its protective intent while letting values, kindness, and confidence guide decisions. If the ideas of parts work and self-compassion resonate with you, resources such as No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff can offer thoughtful, practical ways to explore these approaches more deeply.