From Overwhelmed to Empowered: Understanding Concern, Control & Influence

From Overwhelmed to Empowered: Understanding Concern, Control & Influence

One of the most common conversations I have with clients is about how to regain a sense of control over their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors when life feels like it’s spinning.

To do that, I often use a framework called the Circles of Concern and Control.

A great way to visualize this is with a simple Venn diagram.

In the left circle are the things you’re concerned about. A concern is anything that matters to you—your fears, your values, important people in your life, situations you care about, or anything that pulls on your attention or emotions.

In the right circle are the things you can actually control. When I talk with clients, they’re usually quick to acknowledge that the only things they truly have control over are themselves: their thoughts, their actions, and their responses.

The most important part is the overlapping space—your area of influence. This is where your concerns and your control meet. It’s the space where your choices and behaviors can make a meaningful impact on the things that matter to you.

Sometimes this area of influence is wide and full of options. Other times, it’s just a thin sliver. But no matter its size, focusing on this overlap is where you’ll find your power.

When we spend too much energy trying to control things outside our influence, stress skyrockets. That’s often when emotions feel unmanageable and overwhelming.

So, if you find yourself stuck in the uncontrollable:

1. Pause and identify: What is the concern?

2. Shift inward: What is within your control—your words, your boundaries, your choices, your next step?

3. Connect the two: How can your actions influence the concern, even in a small way?

4. Release the rest: Once you’ve done what’s in your power, let go of what isn’t.

You don’t have to control the whole world—just the part where your choices can make a difference. And that part is always enough to begin regaining calm, clarity, and confidence.