Category: Control

There are very few roles in the world with the expectation to be and do it all, quite like the role of a mother. There are also many contradicting messages about what exactly all of the IT we are meant to be doing is. So often, instead of challenging this ridiculous expectation, mothers succumb to the overwhelm of it all and just end up feeling like failures. The reality is, when you are expected to be and do it all, and you push yourself to achieve it, you are never really going to be doing any of it particularly well. How could you? This sets moms up for burnout in the one job you can not give up.

I recognize this phenomenon in every mom that sits across from me in therapy and I look upon their faces with so much empathy because years ago, that was me! What changed the game for my motherhood a few years ago, is that I came across the podcast, The Lazy Genius, and felt like this woman was throwing me a lifeline! She encouraged her listen ...

There have been some dry spells this summer, and my withering and parched lawn was certainly showing the effects of it. My first inclination was to swing into rescue mode and haul the hose out for daily watering, believing that I was doing the best for it, and keeping it ultra-hydrated and from as much distress as possible. A little research on lawn care showed me that this well-intentioned, extra care and attention routine could actually be hurting my lawn and creating shallow root systems and an inability to withstand the rigors of future heat and drought.

It is natural to want to escape suffering as soon as possible and not live in discomfort. We usually want the quick and easy way out. As a parent, I have found it difficult at times to watch my children struggle with various challenges that they have faced. The temptation is to step in and take over or rescue them from the difficulty rather than have them suffer. Yet, I know that ...

If you are anything like me, and probably just about every other person in the world, you probably enjoy having things go your way. It is nice to see things go the way they are supposed to, to see your efforts be rewarded with a satisfying outcome, to have others understand you and think the best of you. If life always worked out this perfectly, well… I don’t know if we could call it life, but it sounds like it would be nice! 

Whether we are consciously thinking about these things or not, if we take an honest look at ourselves we often operate from this way of thinking. We are motivated for things to go our way and feel good, and even when our motives seem altruistic there is almost always something we are getting from the specific outcome. It might sound like a pessimistic way of seeing things but when we boil it down, we realize that we desperately want to be in control, and we will find ways to exert our will on people ...