It's Okay Not to Be Okay

image for blog entry

Let me start by asking a question.  How did you answer someone the last time they asked you how you were?  I bet I could venture a guess, and it may have sounded a little like this: “I’m fine."  Now, let me follow that question with another question.  How truthful were you in your response?  I am betting that most likely you may have disregarded your current emotion so you would not make someone else feel uncomfortable.  

 

In a society that has placed a strong emphasis on success, happiness, and reputation, it is often hard to feel safe to share our emotions honestly.  The point of this post is not to make you feel like you have to share your feelings with every person that asks; however, what I do hope it accomplishes is helping you to reflect on the truth that it is okay to not be okay!  

 

Unfortunately, far too often, I see the opposite play out in the therapy room.  Emotion seems to be something feared rather than its original intended purpose. It saddens my heart that emotion is looked at as an inconvenience or something to get rid of so you can move on. 

 

In addition to the struggle in sharing emotion honestly, there is another concern with how we often respond to another’s need with a “fix-it” mentality.  Whether it is grief due to loss of any kind, a recent frustrating event, or a troubled relationship in that person’s life, this approach can often portray a sense of shame to the person who is experiencing the emotionally provoking situation which often leads one to suppress the emotion.  

 

I bet you’re asking this question now: if fixing someone's emotions is not the most beneficial option, what is?  I’m so glad you asked. Two words: be present.  Listen to their heart, create a safe place for them to reflect, and give validation for the emotion they are having.  After all, the overarching goal is to help them, not further their grief.  All too often we try to rush the person through the processing phase for numerous reasons; sometimes we think helping them feel better as fast as they can is the best thing for that person.  This is a nice gesture, but it is important to understand that the slow unfolding of the emotional response is beneficial to the person’s healing and growth.  

So the next time someone asks you how you are, please find someone that you trust to open up to.  No, you do not have to pour your heart out at that moment, but I am hoping you take the time to reflect on your response which may stir the need to be more honest with yourself.  Consequently,  if you find yourself on the other side of that conversation, try to be present and foster a safe non-judgmental place to allow that person to feel that it is, in fact, okay not to be okay!

Jennifer Vander Wilp | MA, LLPC

0 Comments


Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...

Loading...